What I Did During My Enforced Holiday

In preparation for the resumption of regular service, I thought I might as well provide an account of the project I undertook during the lengthy period of internet overhaul. Wanting something useful to do, I thought I might compile a list of all the costumes in which the Daria characters appear during the running of the closing credits and select a group of the best of the approximately 300 overall. After unsuccessful attempts to narrow it down to a Top Ten, I have selected a Top Twenty and added five for duo/group selections.

Duo/Group:

5 - BRITTANY and KEVIN in ROLE REVERSAL with Brittany as QB and Kevin cheerleading.

4 - MS BARCH and MR O'NEIL playing TWISTER

3 - JOEY/JEFFY/JAMIE as THE THREE MUSKETEERS

2 - DARIA and TOM as Grant Wood's AMERICAN GOTHIC

1 - The FASHION CLUB as a BOYBAND

Individual:

20 - Exemplary African-American student JODY as JOAN CRAWFORD - a chance to be the perfectionist parent she suffers under

19 - Jody's boyfriend/Kevin's longsuffering teammate MAC as JAMES BOND - he gets to propel himself far away from Kevin

18 - Fashion Club doormat STACY as ALICE plying croquet - could go with her Baby Jane, Carrie or Coppertone Girl

17 - Sensitive English teacher MR O'NEIL as BRAVEHEART - as inappropriate for this as he is for the Incredible Hulk and a better costume

16 - Goth ANDREA as THAT GIRL - painful hair change for her

15 - One of Quinn's suitors JAMIE as the DUTCH BOY PAINT BOY - not really a stretch

14 - Hypervigiliant principal MS LI as EVA PERON - decent typecasting

13 - Trent's bandmate JESSE as a GAME SHOW HOST - it required a shirt

12 - Fashion Club's vacuous TIFFANY as CHER - just beating out her Pokemon

11 - Daria's sister QUINN as PIPPI LONGSTOCKING - the one look Quinn would never undertake

10 - Dim bulb QB KEVIN as the MAD HATTER - could have gone with his George Washington, Gilligan or Boy George, but bonus points for the Hatter's disproportionate head

9 - Aggressive feminist MS BARCH as MONICA LEWINSKI - complete with a back view of Bill Clinton

8 - Flirtatious but repulsive UPCHUCK as AUSTIN POWERS - excellent typecasting

7 - Dim cheerleader BRITTANY as Rodin's THE THINKER - too classic

6 - Irate history teacher MR DeMARTINO as LIBERACE - the smile is terrifying

5 - DARIA as MOTHER GOOSE - could have gone with her Scarlett O'Hara, Elmo, Sinead O'Connor or Aphrodite, but bonus points for the goose and her get-me-out-of-here expression.

4 - Jane's brother TRENT as DARIA - again, many alternatives, such as his figure skater, mime, PeeWee Herman or Peter Pan

3 - Daria's mother HELEN as LADY GODIVA - bonus points because the horse is carrying her briefcase in its mouth

2 - One of Quinn's suitors JEFFY as MARILYN MONROE with the skirt blowing up - suits his expression really well

1 - Daria's best friend JANE dancing the CAN-CAN - Jane probably deserves a Top Ten of her own with her geisha, Snow White, Rapunzel, Emma Peel, Shirley Temple, Frida Kahlo, Whistler's Mother, manyhanded goddess and David Bowie in some order or other.

That should give people a good idea of what I did on my enforced holiday when I was not watching the tennis or writing a very long poem. Speaking of the tennis, it was interesting that Rafael Nadal made the first unsolicited comment about 9/11 (after his semifinal) I've heard since Elena Dementieva made similar remarks six years ago, the last time the 11th was the second Saturday of the tournament.